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Do not stop taking any medication unless under the care of a licensed professional.
I have been on a mood stabilizer for about five months now. I first started taking it after going to the crisis center in the emergency room.
The Start
The first day I took the mood stabilizer, I had pretty severe anxiety. I was also prescribed an anti anxiety medication for fast acting anxiety relief. I used that at least once during the first week of starting. Eventually, I went from 10mg to 15mg of fluoxetine and stayed at 15mg because it was effective at a low dose.
Progress
After making progress in EMDR and inner child work, my EMDR therapist and talk therapist both agreed that I could try to ween off of the antidepressant. I was instructed by my third therapist, a psychiatrist, to take 10mg for a month then drop down to 5mg for another month.
Going Well
For the first three weeks, I did not notice any changes. It was like I was not even weening off the medications. I thought, hey this is easy!
Previously, I was on a medication for migraines that was also an antidepressant. Weening off that was awful, but short lived thankfully.
The First Signs
It started midweek. I was sitting at my desk unable to focus for more than a few minutes. I could not sit still. I was restless and moving my legs. I started hearing things louder than they really were and had to constantly wear headphones. Music generally helps me focus, but I was unable to find any genre of music to help me.
Downward Spiral
It was not until I started having a sensation of warm water flowing down the back of my leg that I started to wonder what was going on. Shortly after, I became very fatigued. Fatigue and restlessness are the weirdest symptoms you can have simultaneously. Starting things became so cumbersome and I was not able to have longevity in much of anything.
Very quickly, I became exhausted beyond belief, had pains all over my body, insomnia, anxiety, irritability, spotting, clumsiness, hot flashes and chills, and the headaches came and went.
Seeking Guidance
I spoke to all three of my therapists about this. The prescriber of the fluoxetine told me that all these symptoms were, unfortunately, normal and that I was doing the best I can to deal with the symptoms.
Building Anxiety
Yesterday, I finally felt better. I also had EMDR. Up until that point I was dealing with trying to focus at work, take care of my kids, and adulting. All while being so very tired while having simultaneous insomnia. I ended up taking ibuprofen and a fast acting anxiety relief medication to relieve some of the anxiety and other symptoms.
Hidden Fear
While in EMDR, I learned I am actually afraid of coming off the medication.
My fear was related to the need for medication for life. Will I be able to function without it? Will I return to the person I was before I started on my healing journey? Will I go back to the hospital? Can I still be the new happy me without the medication? Is the anxiety returning because I cannot handle life without the meds?
After uncovering this fear, I felt so much better. Mind over matter as the saying goes. And while I felt better before I went to EMDR, I improved so much after learning what was bothering me. I find it amazing that I had no idea this problem was there and why.
I have detoxed from opiates and this is comparable if not worse because it did not improve after a few days of symptoms starting. At least with the opiates it seemed shorter lived. My biggest fear, currently, is wondering if this will happen again when I go down to 5mg in a week. I guess I will just have to proceed and hope for the best!
Through all this I realize that while meds may have helped me get through some of the hard times in EMDR, I do not know that they were absolutely necessary. I have come so far in my healing journey.
I can do this!
If you are having problems weening off a medication, see my page about healthy coping skills and make sure to check in with your doctor too!
