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Deciding to go NC(no contact) is a huge step in regaining control over your life. It can bring peace. With that peace, anxiety and fear can surface. Fear that the person you are no longer speaking to will lash out at you in some grand way. Fear, that they will spread lies about you, or fear that things are simply calm. Who are we kidding, when has life been calm?
Why do kids make going NC harder?
Having kids really changes the guilt factor when you go NC. People post things on social media about how the adult ego should be disregarded so that children can see their families.
Family is just a word. Just because a person carried you in their body, sorta kept you alive, and sometimes gave you food does not mean they are family. And under no circumstances should a person be subject to the mental mind games of a toxic individual.
Family are loving people that enrich our lives and genuinely care about how we feel. When we feel down, they are there to help us back up, not dig us further into the dark.
My children do not deserve to be treated the way I was. Until I realized the cause of all my anxiety and depression, I fell into the trap of allowing my mother and grandmother to see my son. That was a mistake.
My mother used information from conversations with my grandmother to get information. It was then that I realized I had to sever ties with both. Not just for myself but for my kids. My kids needed to l know that no matter who the person is, they have the right to stand up to them. Even if that person is “family.”
Why do people want me to talk to a toxic person?
Many people will actually try to convince you to speak to your toxic parent. Those that seek to do this have no ill intent. Their naivety actually plays with the guilt we are already feeling within us.
Guilt is intertwined with our trust in ourselves and our trust in our decisions. Many times a toxic parent will undermine your feelings, ideas, and memory in an attempt to keep control. What many people do not realize is that by suggesting that we talk to the toxic parent, they are pulling at every one of those emotions within us. Part of us feels obligated to comply with their request, whether it be out of fear or guilt.
When can I break NC?
See my post discussing breaking NC.