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I feel fortunate to have many loving people in my life. I do not believe that my mother will add value to my life, now or in the future. No matter how many people she has talked to regarding our relationship, the truth remains that I will no longer suffer at the hands of her abuse. No longer will I allow her to belittle my accomplishments, call me names, or try to impress her ideals for my persona on me. See my post here regarding my decision to go no contact and how hard that was.
The Idea
In general, it seems that most toxic parents have their own issues and demons they cannot confront. Instead of dealing with the problem they project the problem onto their children. I admit that I have done this before I sought therapy as it is a completely learned behavior. We have at least four generations of strained mother, daughter relationships in my family. I plan to have the first normal one in a long time!
I have been asked by several people if I wish to see my mother again. Honestly, I do not think it matters to me one way or another. I know our divide comes from years of emotional strain and abuse she is not even apologetic about.
The Clause
Perhaps difficult for her, the only way I would see my mother again would be if she regularly attends therapy and genuinely apologizes for everything. She apologized to me once, however, she needed to in order to progress through the steps of AA. I realized the apology was not genuine when she held it over my head years later, see my post here.
I am content either way. I know life is happy and will continue to be happy with or without my mother in it.
Wow. I can relate to so much of this! I have strained relationships with my mom and sister that sound so similar. My mom was attending regular therapy on her own accord for depression and anxiety and things got better. My sister has gone as far to say we will never be close because we don’t think the same way. I have had my own battle to keep the toxicity out of my own family for fear of continuing the pattern with my kids. Thankfully my husband is a rock and we keep each other in check. So sorry you had to deal with this for so long!
I am sorry you have to deal with similar issues! It really is a battle to keep it out. I feel like I close a door and open 17 windows all the time despite trying to keep the house airtight.